I’m in a ‘Trust Your Struggle’ moment right now. Bene Brown’s ‘You can’t skip Day Two’ aphorism applies to GSBCW and other projects I’m working on and all I can do is trust my struggle. We’ve done the heavy leg work to set up a worldwide silent reading club and I’ve done all I can think to do, but moving the group from zero to one is a process. I can’t ignore that or pretend that there’s an easy path.
I’m a fan of Brown’s Rising Strong book and if you’ve been through some personal heartbreak or haunting failures in your life, you might find it useful. She doesn’t say ‘trust your struggle’ but it’s the same principle. Brown outlines an interesting experience in her three-day culture and group design seminars that illustrate a human point that applies to anyone making big changes in their life. Here’s what I mean:
Day One of her seminar – everyone feels good, hopeful. Plans articulated, people are engaged, the group feels like they’re going to make it through all three days with flying colors. Then, Day Two happens – the uncomfortable emotions that surface when we grapple with vulnerability, accountability, and reality make you want to drink bleach. Despite best efforts, that period of discomfort has always been unavoidable, and Brown finally understood why. The discomfort is, in fact, a necessary adjunct to the process of change.
If you want to describe it like the Hero’s Journey, Day One is all about hearing and accepting the call to adventure. Day Two is about everything that leads to the Dark Night of the Soul. You might even have several Dark Nights before Day Three begins. Once that Day Three begins, you’re beginning to tell the new story of your life and work. I’m sure it’s emotionally painful, and I’ve been through several versions of this in my life. Thing is, I’m starting to understand two important truths:
- I can’t avoid the pain of Day Two when I’m making important changes
- Most love with Day One’s endorphin rush and check out at Day Two
You already know what I’m talking about. Ever join a gym? Buy new outfits, start posting fit pictures on IG. Day One feels awesome – it’s fun, it’s exhilarating to make positive changes. You got this!
Then Day Two happens – all the days and weeks doing *the actual work* of living healthy. It’s NOT fun to go to the gym four times a week. NOT comfortable to stick to a nutrition plan. Saying no to appetizers, snacks, and cocktails with your friends IS NO BUENO. No getting around the pain of Day Two.
Most people stop there. ‘It’s too hard.’ ‘I wasn’t ready for this.’ ‘So-and-so didn’t support me enough.’ ‘I need junk food to regulate my crazy life.’ The excuses come out, they give you a logical reason to fail, and you resume your previous bad habits. That is, until next year when you try again and buy new gym outfits and start Day One all over again.
I think this is why I hate gymfluencers – those little one-minute TikToks skip over the painful part of self-actualization. There’s no acknowledgement of the pain of discipline beyond ‘if I can do it, you can do it.’ No thoughts on addressing the pain you’re soothing with bad habits. ‘I’m a mom with six kids and I look like 1990s Christy Brinkley – what’s your excuse?’ How about you show me a behind-the-scenes where you’re working out four hours a day, somebody else is raising your kids and paying your bills, and the only way you can think to use all that privilege is to draw attention to yourself? Let’s face it – you were born on third base and you’re going through life thinking you hit a triple – good for you.
Okay, sorry – got off on a tangent. Hopefully this paints a picture of my experience as I take Inkican and the associated projects from Zero to One. Everything around me is in a varying decimal between those numbers. The books are around .85. GSBCW is around .2. The audio books are around .3 or .4. All of these projects could go to ‘1’ in an hour – perhaps one day they will. But until they do, I’m still chasing them and figuring out how to get them to a higher decimal every single day.
That’s true of any major effort of human progress. We’ve been led to believe that the real work of bettering ourselves happens in a montage. That isn’t really true! The actual effort of making things better feels weird, lonely, and scary. You second-guess yourself every day, deal with Imposter Syndrome, suffer the haters. That’s where I am right now – it’s time to ‘Trust Your Struggle.’
But forget that for a second – how do we get there? How do we ‘Trust Your Struggle’ every day? Any thoughts or lifehacks to share? I’m interested in hearing your suggestions, but here’s a couple I’ve figured out.
The Right Way to Use AI
Naturally, as the ethical debate of AI rages, one important point remains – while you’re arguing over whether or not AI use is ethical, what are you going to do about all the people who have no qualms of using it unethically?
Way too much Day One language (“AI good.” “AI bad.”) in those online arguments and very little Day Two verbiage (“What are practical, mindful answers to the problems we’re seeing?”).
Anyway – ignore all that and try this. Two-layered AI prompts help me get to the actual problem I’m thinking about, not just the one I’m thinking about. They also give me a basic roadmap on how to solve it.
I’ve already seen some personal benefits, so let me share a couple of ideas with you. They aren’t particularly ground-breaking, but two-layered prompts can be helpful. Here are a couple two-layered prompts:
- Layer One: “As a person with crippling social anxiety and PTSD, please create a script for me to handle the following situation [INSERT SITUATION HERE]. Please also help me understand the dynamics of the situation, help me see what I’m not seeing, what should I learn from this?”
- Layer Two: “Please take this script and help me craft a message for [Insert description of listener].”
- Layer One “I’m feeling some big emotions about this situation [INSERT SITUATION HERE]. Please also help me understand the dynamics of the situation, help me see what I’m not seeing, what should I learn from this?”
- Layer Two: “Please take this script and help me craft a message for [Insert description of listener].”
I hope these notes have been helpful – it’s just something I’ve been thinking about. Can’t always say I’ve been right or wise, but I’ve pursued the truth within myself with some diligence. This is what I’ve learned.
If you’re on a path and you feel scared and you’re not sure if it’s gonna work but you’ve done everything you can to make it work? Don’t worry, you’re in Day Two. It means you’re in good company. Time to get to work. Time to dig in. It’s time to Trust Your Struggle.
