The Survival Guide for Creative People began with a bad day. Life got on top of me, and I stumbled under its weight. I took a five-day journey through another Dark Night of the Soul and when I reached the other side, I realized something. I needed a survival guide for these moments.
I’d never seen a survival guide for creative people. Writers and other artists often have great advice for the craft, but little to say on the ‘craft of the crap.’ There’s a lot of crap you deal with as an artist – whether you write, paint, model in 3D – whatever. Creativity as a profession pushes you through a strange, chaotic gauntlet of emotions. You’re supposed to expose your deepest fears, regrets, vulnerabilities while simultaneously exposing yourself to the harshest, most caustic criticism possible. Ever hear of a standup comics who ‘bombs?’ Yeah – this happens to every other artist, too.
No One Can Save You From the Pain
There is literally no other way that this works. Art doesn’t live by hiding in the corner. Art is only fully formed when readers experience and respond to it. This is why stand-up comics get up on stage. At some point, you must take the stage to see if your material makes people laugh. Successful comics freely admit: that feedback is what makes their bits work. The audience’s response gets them to different places in their head or heart, helping them tell funny stories in the most efficient, effective ways possible. Writing is the same way. I never know how to tell my stories until readers get to see them. Of course, I can check with other professional authors but:
Successful writers are BUSY WRITING THEIR OWN STUFF. If you have a mentor, if you have a fellow author to vent to, you know: They only have so many hours in the day. Like you, they get focused or distracted with their own universes. Months can go by without an answer. They aren’t getting paid to mentor you, they’re doing it out of the goodness of their own heart. So we come back to:
Your work NEEDS TO GET OUT THERE TO FIND ITS AUDIENCE. Yes, at some point your work needs to meet regular people and find out: ‘is this ready for daylight?’ Real writers publish. There’s no escaping that moment of truth.
I Bombed Last Week
Earlier this week, heart in mouth, I started talking about Mesh on some Subreddits. Even though I’d spent months honing my approach, knowing that Reddit feedback can be harsh, things got crazy pretty fast. Two days later, I was in a fetal position on the bathroom floor and looking for my Happy Place.
“OMG, what did they say?” I don’t want to get into it. What messes with me is what messes with me, and what messes with you is what messes with you. This stuff got to me, and I have to deal with that. It’s easy to say ‘don’t let it get to you’ when it isn’t happening to you. The only way to not live in a glass house is to move to a stone-proof house, or a house no one would throw stones at. Authors don’t have either option.
The process of writing is simultaneously the solution, and the cause, of my emotional stress. Fun, huh? This is not about breaking down that game film, anyway. Additionally, where most people would say ‘keep yourself to yourself,’ I made a decision to face this pain, to talk about it. It’s rare that I learn by suffering in silence.
So take some lessons from my pain. Everyone has a limit, everyone has a weak point of some kind. Does it mess with you? Does it ‘break your glass house?’ Okay, fine. Your feelings are real, experience is valid. Let’s learn from those moments.
Survival Guide for Creative People – Part One
Let’s preface this discussion by saying, I get it. Writing isn’t the most stressful job on the planet. There’s a reason I’m not a cop or an EMT or a soldier. Nothing in this post should be taken to mean: “Writing is the world’s toughest job.” Any time I start thinking that it is, make me stand in a Home Depot parking lot to pick up a day labor gig.
But, the life is still the life. Putting your work out there exposes you to every stress, insecurity or anxiety you never knew you had. There’s a reason many authors suffer from addiction. There’s a reason writers are prone to depression. Surviving doesn’t require physical labor, only emotional labor.
I have no idea. Until an answer presents itself, let’s create the Survival Guide for Creative People. Taking a page from Lofty Wiseman’s SAS Survival Guide, I decided to break all this down like a real rescue plan. Let’s begin with Part One:
Preparation
If Louis Pasteur is correct, fortune favors the prepared mind. Preparing for real disaster survival starts with a mindset, a decision. Ergo, when it comes to our creative professional survival journey – we must choose to survive. So, decide you are going to keep going. That simple act has been the deciding factor for many people who have struggled through life-threatening dangers and circumstances. Prepare your mind, prepare your heart: Choose to survive.
Next, start packing your ’emotional go-bag.’ First, realize that emotional foundations are ‘what you have in the middle of your mind and gives you an inner structure, an energy base.’ According to this post: ‘Many of us grapple not just with difficult problems of the present, but with foundations made shaky by childhood traumas, a lack of consistent love and good role models within our early family life, and sometimes child abuse.’ We can’t run from that baggage or trauma, so our emotional go-bag needs to contain resources and tools specific to our emotional foundations.
Here are three ideas you can put in your ’emotional go-bag’ right now: Emotions aren’t things we turn on or off. You are not your emotions. You have a choice on how you want to respond to your emotions.
Another thing to put in your go-bag? Curiosity. Think back to your creative professional experience – those negative exchanges that got under your skin. What was bothering you the most in that moment? Did someone sound like a neglectful parent, or a critical teacher? What was the story you told yourself about that moment, what hurt the most? Don’t dismiss the person (or your reaction) out of hand – approach the experience with curiosity.
The curiosity helps us step back from the moment and invite our brain to get out of fight-or-flight mode and into metacognitive. Taking a step back – like bystanders watching something from across the street or telling an annoying relative ‘we’re just talking about this, don’t make it about that’ – can be a powerful way to remove splintery emotional pains from a social situation.
Once you’ve done that – you can start looking for signs whether the exchange contained the four horsemen of conflict: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. If your feedback is falling into those buckets, then this helps you realize that the critic may be projecting onto you a bunch of negative stuff they’re unable to carry themselves. Hurt people rarely have good advice to share.
Start Survival Practice
Now that we’re working on our ’emotional go-bag,’ let’s start practicing to use those tools. I’m not a mental health professional, but these are two good areas I can recommend:
Cultivate emotional wellness – Let’s face it, everyone’s been through a lot. COVID, current events, we’re all under a LOT more stress than previous generations. You can’t hide from it, so embrace it. Figure out where your feelings are. Get to know yourself better. Develop a self-care routine, and practice self-compassion.
Building your emotional strength is something you can work on every day. Setting boundaries, reaching out, practicing self-care? Anyone can, and everyone should do that.
Practical Examples of Preparation
What’s one way to prepare for your work to be reviewed/examined/commented on? Start small – ask your social network (Mastodon, etc) for pointers. Appropriate things to ask help on are:
- “I’m about to share my work with others to hopefully make it better, find new ways to engage and find my audience. Do you have any lifehacks to share?”
- “What’s one thing I should avoid as I present my work for feedback?” “What’s one thing I should avoid as I look for new readers?” – Then, after people share their war stories, say thank you and then ask “Based on your experience, what’s the right way to do this?”
- “How do I ask for help without getting trolled / roasted by the Internet?”
Another way to prepare is to try an emotional crisis plan. You know you need to ask for advice, you know you’ll be roasted / trolled by haters. Get ahead of the curve by having an emotional crisis plan written out so that you have an ’emotional foxhole’ to dive into when the negativity starts flying.
Mental Health Resources for Creative People
You aren’t alone. Lots of creative people have endured what you’re going through and they make up a community of resilient people. You can check in with me on Mastodon, but I’m just one person. Click here for a list of mental health support platforms for creative people. Between me and that list, you’re bound to find someone out there that knows what you’re going through.
Let’s Pause Here
Now, I’m over a thousand words here, so let’s pump the brakes. These are two areas you can start working with now, and see some benefit in a few short minutes. Creativity as a profession pushes you through a strange, chaotic gauntlet of emotions. You’re supposed to expose your deepest fears, regrets, vulnerabilities while simultaneously exposing yourself to the harshest, most caustic criticism possible. I got through it, and you can, too.
Click Here to Read Part Two
Updated – 6/19/2024
