When it comes to current events – the message is easy: Keep Your World Small – Work On You. I’m not going to say anything about the 2024 election. What would I say that hasn’t already been said?
You want to know what happened? Why it happened? Sorry – I can’t tell you. Are you upset? Happy? Sad? Apprehensive? Sit with that for a while. Some like say: ‘here’s how you can take advantage of this change in events!’ – that’s not me. I’m not here to tell you it’s going to be okay or what’s going to happen next. No boring ‘chaos is a ladder’ cliches. I’m going to sit with my feelings for a while – and that might be the best thing for you, too.
What I will say is that, if you feel overwhelmed, that’s a clue that you should keep your world small and work on you. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Take it from an old recovering, walking pile of coping mechanisms: keep your world small and work on you. That’s all you can do right now. When the world seems like something that cannot be changed, keep your world small and work on you. This advice came from a Navy SEAL named Andy Stumpf:
“Stumpf said the main reason why Navy Seal candidates, men who have dedicated their whole life to becoming a seal, quit is because they became overwhelmed by the process. They kept their world large and could not handle the enormity of the training. His advice to candidates going through BUD/S is to keep your world small by focusing on each drill one at a time.
“Don’t look at hell week as a five-day pipeline. Just make it to your next meal,” Stumpf said. “They have to feed you every six hours. So if I can stack six hours on six hours on six hours and just focus on getting to the next meal, it doesn’t matter how much I’m in pain; doesn’t matter how cold I am. If I can just get to the next meal, I’ll get a reprieve and a mental reset, and I can continue on.”
This mindset can and should be applied to everything you do in life.”
Yes, when your life / world is overwhelming, one of the strongest things you can do is keep going. Keeping your world small and will help you continue making progress under hopeless circumstances. Keep your world small.
Work On You
The next thing – work on you. I want to give some brief thoughts on the subject of being enough and insecurity. Everyone must overcome that struggle – some of us try to carry the mountains instead of climb them. I’m still working on that, myself – please don’t feel like I’m judging you.
This morning, I was reflecting on who I was at eighteen, at twenty, at thirty and so on. The one constant feature of that experience was that I was pushing back on some insecurity to get my life together and fulfill the magical algebraic equation that would gain success and support love that I was looking for at that time.
Bitter experience taught me that as you chase each of those pieces- toxic influencers (the media or other people in your life) will drum into your head that you’re missing X, Y and Z and that’s why you’re not successful with you just focus on gating x y and z, if you’re disciplined, if you’re a good person, if you have grit, if you’re worthy, you can earn a level of acceptance of love and support that you don’t have currently. Between the time where you realize that your life is ‘missing something’ and the time you realize that you’re never going to have X, Y and Z – a lot of damage can be done.
You Can’t Hate Your Way to Love
It’s important to remember that the old aphorisms are true: you can’t hate your way into being someone that you love. I’m noticing so many different messages coming from influencers that patriotate that negative stereotype- if you hate yourself enough you’ll be disciplined, if you’re disciplined enough you’ll get there. The ‘missing stair’ from their argument is that how do you continue motivating yourself after you stop hating yourself? That’s a huge ‘missing stair’ – how do you motivate yourself by having compassion for yourself?
Yes, hate or anger can be fiery motivators – but it only works until the fire goes out. Then what? The motivation to improve goes away and then you slide back into those old bad habits. You end up in a negative cycle of fiery motivators > temporary change > new normal that doesn’t last > long slide back to your former self > growing frustration > fiery motivators. It doesn’t work – it will never work – your motivation has to be about reaching toward something you love instead of pushing away from something you hate.
How do you get there? That’s the real question influencers should be answering and I’ve yet to really see that. We’re bombarded with messaging about fitness systems (looking at you, South Beach diet, Keto or CICO). None of them address improving yourself by having compassion for yourself. Not forcing yourself into a new model of disciplined behavior, but welcoming yourself. Influencers dance around it by saying ‘hey you need to have love and body positivity’ but they’re still not really getting to the core of the matter.
You are Worthy of Love
As you consider or pursue anything related to self-improvement or self-actualization – remember: anger will only take you so far. You can’t hate your way into something that you love. You’re not going to achieve it by being that kid wrestling for his parent or families love. Why don’t you and I do that? Change by having compassion for yourself.
Change by welcoming yourself into a new model of better living because it’s a good thing for you and you are worthy of good things. You have to understand that you’re already enough as you are – that old Mr. Rogers ‘I love you just the way you are’ logic. You have to approach it with love because love is the only way it’s going to get there. You are worthy of love.
